Teething Troubles

Oh good grief, teething is an absolute fucking nightmare, it lasts forever and is pure torture for everyone involved. Poor babies are in so much pain; I mean, can you even imagine what it feels like when those tiny sharp bones are bursting through their gums? It sounds like an actual horror film. I have, like, one wisdom tooth half poking through my gums and it's a real pain in my ass. The dentist told me to get them out 15 years ago but I think they're pretty happy in there. It would be rude to remove them.

But back to babies! The following is a list of my tried and true teething tricks that I've compiled over the last few years. Hope they help your little one and spare you even from a few minutes of blood-curdling screams in your face.

Chilled washcloth to chew on.

Massage their gums with your fingers, whether you dip them in whiskey beforehand is your own business.

Cold rubber spatula or spoon in freezer.

Frozen blueberries or grapes.

Cold mashed avocado (or other fruit).

Taking a bath.

Wooden Teether

Baby Orajel Naturals

Boiron Camilia Homeopathic Medicine

Sophie the Giraffe

 Hyland's Teething Tablets

Before we finish here, a word about amber necklaces. I know they are super popular these days, and I've taken care of babies who have worn them in the past. But my personal feelings are that the so-called benefits do not outweigh the risk. The reasoning behind wearing these necklaces ranges from "magical healing" properties of the crystals, to the belief that the crystals release succinic acid, which some believe to be a natural pain reliever. It kind of boggles my mind that the possibility of these being effective overrules how insanely dangerous they are. I spend my whole day pulling things out of babies mouths, don't need to add one more choking hazard to be terrified of every day.

Any tricks up your sleeves? I mean, I wouldn't put whiskey on a kid who I'm babysitting's gums, but when I have my own, who's to know what desperate measures will be taken at 3am!