Well if this hasn't been the most depressing week in recent memory I don't know what is. If you're outside New York you may be unaware that it's been grey, rainy, and miserable for over a week straight now, and I'm in full on conserve-my-mental-health-mode. I've been consuming copious amounts of cheese, which always helps, though last night I was up til 2am with indigestion and insomnia. I'm really jumping on the Zika panic bandwagon full-force. The CDC or some other government agency said this week that New York is almost definitely going to have a Zika outbreak and I've become convinced that I'm patient zero and will get brain damage. (Theo very helpfully suggested that a little brain damage might help ease my neuroses. Har har.) It truly is beyond me why we haven't eradicated mosquitos throughout the world. All they do is spread disease and pain and suffering. There is no place in this world for them. Maybe I should start a change.org petition about it.
Been thinking about Sara's post on big emotions a lot this week; I've read many variations of the topic over the years, mainly in search of validation of my own big feelings, and this one has resonated with me, as they all do. I've always struggled with the fact that I feel things very deeply and it often seems at odds with the woman I want to be. I know it's all internalized misogyny, this idea that women can't be emotional and also be powerful, but it's something that I've always been conflicted about. My big emotions can make me feel childish, like they diminish my strength and credibility as an adult woman. I'm constantly trying to remind myself to channel them, not drown or feel lost in them, and figure out how to make them add to my power. I think I've done an okay job this week. I find myself start to slip when the bad weather takes hold and I let myself spiral. But so far I've been pretty successful in stopping myself from going too far down the rabbit hole of my anxieties and use my powers for good.
A little while back, someone I am acquainted with "jokingly" decided to list off my neuroses in a way that at the time made me feel childish, silly, and hyper-exposed, like a museum exhibit. He couldn't believe one small person could feel so many complicated things. Now, looking back, I'm like... what? First of all, OF COURSE I FEEL COMPLICATED THINGS I AM A COMPLEX PERSON LIKE ALL HUMAN BEINGS. This attempt to diminish me and put me in my place at the time only served to remind me that I am deserving of every single complex component that makes me who I am. Hello, my name is Lourdes, and I have really strong feelings. About a lot of things. And they may be silly or trivial to you, but they're big to me. And I'm going to keep feeling them and expressing them. I think more than anything, when people express discomfort or fake awe at my emotions, what they're really uncomfortable with is a woman who speaks her mind. And I certainly won't be silenced. For whatever that's worth.
In other news, it's Mother's Day this weekend! Happy birthday to all you who are moms, I hope you're going to be rightfully spoiled come Sunday. If the sun doesn't come out for moms everywhere I am gonna flip my fuckin' lid. Here are some links for your eyeballs and a little ditty for your heart!
Been looking at these pics as a survival mechanism this week.
It me. (Finally.)
Toys are more divided by gender stereotypes than they were 50 years ago.
So late to discover Sali Hughes but I've been loving all her articles.
HG sounds like a fuckin nightmare.
The untold Mother's Day stories.
The rise of Bee Shapiro.
Just what I need.